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How to Human...Kinda
This personal growth blog is for anyone who’s messed up and wants to get better—overcoming setbacks with a laugh. I’ve been a jerk, but I’m sharing my stumbles—NSW or SOF antidotes, chaos, injuries, living hard, recovery, and finding self—to help you (and me) grow a bit each day. No expert BS, just real talk from a guy who’s been there.
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Thursday, May 29, 2025
Wednesday, April 30, 2025
Flash a Grin—Small Shit Fixes Big Messes
I used to think small shit didn’t matter—like a smile was just some weak-ass gesture for soft pricks. Picture me, 29, post-NSW hell, knee fucked, scowling at the world like it owed me a new life. Then, mid-recovery, a SOF buddy—tough bastard—flashed me a grin after I limped through PT, no words, just teeth. Felt like a damn lifeline—small, but it hit big. Got me thinking: sharing a smile, a nod, some tiny move—it’s not fluff, it’s fuel. This ain’t a “be happy” sermon—it’s raw talk from a banged-up asshole who’s seen little things crack the dark. If you’re slogging through shit, let’s laugh at the grind and toss a grin out there. Small helps big—trust me, it’s real.
1. Small Ain’t Weak (It’s Sneaky Strong)
I’d scoff at “little wins”—thought big fixes needed big swings. Post-injury, I’d limp around, pissed, waiting for a miracle—new knee, new me. Then a nurse smirked at my cussing— “Nice vocab, soldier”—and I smirked back. Tiny as fuck, but it cut the gloom. Next day, I grinned at a mate—same deal, mood lifted.
See it: small’s not soft—it’s a stealth bomb. A smile, a “you good?”—slips past the shitstorm, hits deep. Why’s this beat “big”? Big’s loud, rare—small’s quiet, everywhere. You’re not powerless; you’re packing heat.
2. It’s a Ripple (One Grin Goes Far)
I’d hoard my energy— “Ain’t got shit to give.” Wrong. Post-NSW, I flashed a half-assed grin at a newbie struggling with gear—he grinned back, stood taller. Next week, he nailed it, nodded at me—ripple hit. Didn’t fix my knee, but damn if it didn’t fix something.
Test it: smile at the cashier, the prick cutting you off—watch it bounce. Might not see it, but it lands—eases their day, yours too. Why’s this beat hoarding? Hoarding’s a vault—sharing’s a wave. Small starts big chains.
3. Cuts the Dark (When Big Won’t Budge)
I’d drown in heavy—nightmares, pain, loss—no “big fix” in sight. Mid-PT, a squad mate grinned— “Fuck, you’re still ugly!”—and I laughed, first time in weeks. Didn’t erase the dark, just sliced it enough to breathe. Small shit like that kept me going ’til the big could catch up.
Feel it: stuck in shit? Flash a grin—yours, theirs. Doesn’t kill the beast—starves it a bit. Why’s this beat waiting? Waiting’s a sinkhole—small’s a rope. You’re not cured; you’re climbing.
4. No Heroics Needed (Just Teeth)
I’d think “help” meant grand shit—save a life, not a smile. Bullshit. Post-injury, I’d limp by a neighbor—grumpy fucker—tossed him a smirk. Next day, he waved—first time in months. Took two seconds, zero cape—big shift.
Keep it dumb: grin at a kid, a dog, a mirror—no medal required. Small’s the grunt work—anyone’s game. Why’s this beat epic? Epic’s a myth—teeth are real. You’re not Superman; you’re human—good enough.
5. Lifts You Too (It’s a Boomerang)
I’d give grudgingly— “They get it, I don’t.” Wrong again. Mentoring SOF kids, I’d flash a grin when they fucked up— “Nice try, dipshit”—they’d laugh, I’d feel it too. One day, a kid grinned back— “You’re still slow, Rivers”—and damn if I didn’t walk lighter.
Flip it: share a smile, catch the kickback. That barista you grinned at? Her “thanks” hits you. Why’s this beat solo? Solo’s flat—boomerang’s a loop. Small lifts big—your ass included.
6. Chaos Don’t Care (But Smiles Punch Through)
Life’s a bastard—ops go south, knees blow, shit piles. I’d sulk, post-NSW, thinking nothing cuts it. Then, mid-storm, a teammate grinned— “Fuck this sand, huh?”—and it punched a hole. Chaos kept raging; smile still landed—small, tough as hell.
Roll with it: world’s a mess? Grin anyway—prick at the bar, mate in the muck. Doesn’t stop the storm—cracks it open. Why’s this beat gloom? Gloom’s a weight—smiles are a jab. You’re not down; you’re swinging.
7. Laugh at the Size (Small’s a Badass)
I’d chuckle, post-PT, at how dumb I’d been— “Fuck me, a smile?” Limped home, grinned at my dog—tail wagged, day shifted. Laughed harder— “Tiny shit’s kicking ass!” Still me—cussing, limping—just lighter. Small’s a sneak—mock it, love it.
Find the funny: “Oh no, just a grin?” Yeah— “Watch it fuck shit up!” Humor’s the spark—small’s the fire. Why’s this beat “big only”? Big’s a flex—small’s a ninja. You’re not small; you’re sly.
Conclusion
Share a smile—small shit helps in big ways, no cape required. Internal shift: see small as strong, feel the kickback, laugh at the size. External move: flash it, start the ripple, punch the dark. I’m no grin guru—still a banged-up prick—but this little move’s pulled me and others out of deep shit. You’ve got it too, you scrappy bastard—toss a grin, watch it work. Small’s your power—use it.
Fun Fact
Fun fact: They say a smile cuts stress 20%—took me a limp and a smirk to feel the big hit. Small’s a beast—unleash it.
Call to Action
Grinned lately—or seen it hit? Drop it below—your small wins, your ripples, your chaos. If smiling’s tough, try a nod—same vibe, different swing. Let’s keep this human train chugging.
Tuesday, April 29, 2025
Ditch the Poison—Cut Off Toxic Fuckers
I used to think I could tough out anyone—like a toxic asshole was just another op to grit through. Picture me, 28, post-NSW chaos, knee fucked, still taking shit from a “mate” who’d drain me dry—bitching, blaming, never showing up. Kept him around ’cause “loyalty,” right? Wrong—took me too damn long to see he was poison, not a brother. Cutting him off wasn’t weak—it was a power move, and damn if it didn’t free me up. This ain’t some “love everyone” sermon—it’s raw talk from a banged-up prick who’s hacked dead weight and grown for it. If you’re tangled with toxic fuckers, let’s laugh at the mess and swing the axe. You don’t need that shit—you’re better off.
1. Toxic Ain’t Your Burden (It’s Theirs)
I’d lug this guy’s crap—every rant, every “you owe me”—like it was my job. Post-injury, I’d limp to meet him, half-dead, while he’d whine about his bullshit life. Thought I had to fix him—nah, that’s his mess. Took a SOF pal saying, “Rivers, he’s a leech,” to clock it: toxic’s on them, not you.
Spot it: they guilt you, drain you, never lift? That’s their poison—quit sipping it. You’re not their savior or their punching bag. Why’s this beat carrying? Carrying’s a sinker—cutting’s a float. Drop the load—it’s not yours.
2. Know the Signs (They’re Loud as Fuck)
I was blind—thought his chaos was “just him.” He’d bitch nonstop, flake when I needed him, twist my words ’til I doubted me. Post-NSW, I’d call, half-hoping he’d show—never did, always some excuse. Toxic’s a neon sign once you see it: sucks you dry, leaves you worse.
Scan ’em: always the victim? Ghost when you’re down? Stir shit for fun? That’s the red flag parade—don’t salute it. Why’s this beat ignoring? Ignoring’s a slow bleed—seeing’s a cut. You’re not dumb; you’re waking up.
3. Loyalty’s a Lie (When It’s One-Way)
I’d cling— “He’s my boy, been through shit.” Bullshit. Loyalty’s a two-lane road—he’d take, I’d give, end of story. Post-injury, I’d drag my ass to hear him vent—once asked for a ride to PT, got “busy.” Fuck that—loyalty’s not a chain.
Test it: you bleed, they bolt? You’re there, they’re not? That’s not a bond—it’s a yoke. Why’s this beat clinging? Clinging’s a ghost—cutting’s a gate. You’re loyal to you first—rest is noise.
4. Cut Don’t Bend (Half-Measures Suck)
I’d try “distance”—less calls, dodge plans—didn’t work. He’d slink back, same shit, new day. Post-PT, I’d cave, meet up—drained again. Finally axed it— “We’re done”—no text, no fight, just gone. Clean break beat the slow rot every time.
Swing hard: no “let’s talk,” no “maybe later”—cut. Block, ghost, walk—fuck the fallout. Why’s this beat bending? Bending’s a leash—cutting’s a blade. You’re not a doormat; you’re a door—shut it.
5. Feel the Lift (It’s Fucking Real)
First cut stung—I’d second-guess, “Was I harsh?” Then it hit: no more dread, no more “what now?” Post-NSW, I’d limp freer—energy back, head clearer. Replaced him with a mate who’d show—night and day. Toxic’s a weight—ditch it, you fly.
Breathe it: axe a poison, feel the air. Less fog, more you—room for real crew. Why’s this beat keeping? Keeping’s a choke—lifting’s a rush. You’re not losing; you’re winning.
6. They’ll Squawk (Let ‘Em Flap)
He didn’t go quiet—texts, guilt trips, “You’re a dick, Rivers!” Laughed it off— “Yeah, a free one.” Toxic fuckers hate the chop—thrash like a fish on a hook. Didn’t bite back—let him flap, fade out. Chaos is their game, not yours.
Brace it: they’ll cry, curse, beg—fuck ’em. “You’ve changed!”—damn right, for me. Why’s this beat folding? Folding’s their win—standing’s yours. You’re not their toy; you’re your own.
7. Laugh at the Old You (What a Sucker)
Post-cut, I’d grin at the prick I was— “Fuck me, I took that shit?” Limped to a bar, smirked at the memory—me, bending for a leech. Laughed with a real mate— “Dodged a bullet, huh?” Humor sealed it—old me’s a joke, new me’s a badass.
Mock it: “Oh, poor me, saving him!” Nah— “Good riddance, asshole!” Laugh’s the cherry—toxic’s the punchline. Why’s this beat regret? Regret’s a chain—humor’s a cheer. You’re not soft; you’re sharp.
Conclusion
Cutting off toxic people’s not a loss—it’s a fucking gain. Internal shift: see their mess, ditch loyalty lies, feel the lift. External move: swing the axe, let ’em squawk, laugh it off. I’m no saint—still a banged-up prick—but hacking poison’s made me lighter, stronger. You don’t need that shit, you tough bastard—cut ’em loose, grow big. Start swinging.
Fun Fact
Fun fact: They say toxic ties cut your stress 40% when you ditch—took me a limp and a “fuck you” to feel it. Axe ’em, breathe.
Call to Action
Cut a toxic fucker—or still lugging one? Drop it below—your chops, your lifts, your chaos. If cutting’s tough, try a fade—same vibe, slower swing. Let’s keep this human train chugging.
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I’d lost it—the ability to give a fuck about anything that didn’t suck. Picture me, 30, post-NSW wreckage, knee shot, soul darker than a moo...
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I used to think I could tough out anyone—like a toxic asshole was just another op to grit through. Picture me, 28, post-NSW chaos, knee fuck...
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I’ve got two voices in my head—one’s a loud prick screaming “fuck it” every chance it gets, the other’s a soft bastard I barely heard ’til I...